Morning Star

I have a weakness for a full moon. Its silvery soft glow pleasantly caught me by surprise as I made my way to Shepherd's Cafe last night. My brother had just lost his job. One of my friends was losing energy for life, spiritually and emotionally. A headache pounded all day. The first time I noticed a full moon was in Lourdes, France. I had returned to the hotel from the the shrine, swept away by the thousands and thousands of flickering candles lit in honor of Mary. Some had taken a bath in the healing waters, hoping for God to heal them from their physical illness. I opted not to after I noticed the long lines of sick people. I was there to bring my mom, who had multiple chronic diseases. She had taken a bath and was upset that I didn't. Something else was on my mind. Some one else was on my mind. It was not Mary. I opened a window. Stillness filled the dark night sky. I leaned out, my heart twisted in pain. Thoughts, feelings, words tumbled upon each other. I could...

I began taking care of a plant because my sisters told me taking care of a plant is good for a person's character. It helps build self-discipline. You also get a pretty plant in return. I chose a cactus because they say you can't kill a cactus. It doesn't need a lot of water and it doesn't need someone talking to it. Unfortunately, I forgot to water it for 3 months. I forgot I even had a plant. Until Lent began and it was time to make those resolutions. So, I visited my cactus. I grieved over its desolate plight. I watered it, lovingly and generously. I came back that same evening and to my horror found my cactus in that condition called, "Explosion." Every leaf was swollen and it was on its way to cactus heaven. Detective work at the dinner table turned up the "villian." Sr. Agatha had noticed that I neglected my plant and decided to do an indiscreet act of charity. She would water it secretly so my feelings would not be hurt. She wate...

I prayed for a 5 gallon fish tank. I was about to get a 50 gallon tank complete with coral and a display stand. I ended up with a 3 gallon tank. It was not a bad deal since 31 Flavors have been surviving on goldfish flakes. They're guppies and they like shrimp. They also survived a 7 1/2 car drive from Springfield, MO, our US headquarters convent. Ice and Cream came into my care over a year ago after a fall festival. How could one flush two goldfish down the toilet? And so, I set up home for them on our kitchen counter. The sisters gave them two weeks at the maximum. Little did they realize that my dad was a goldfish fanatic. I grew up with goldfish in the house, goldfish in our front pond, and goldfish in our swimming-size pond in the backyard. I didn't call him up for goldfish care tips but I did so some internet surfing. After 6 months, the sisters quit asking me the same question every day, "Are they still alive?" After one year, I decided my two gol...

I gently sat down next to him. He wanted me to. He didn't say so but I could tell by his smile. Slowly, he placed his hand over mine. The touch was light, soft, and not clingy at all. I was surprised. The youth and I visited a nursing home as part of our Lenten retreat. The residents were playing bingo. For many of us, it was the first time in such a facility. The atmosphere could be overwhelming and I delicately prepared the teens beforehand as much as possible. Even so, my table partner had just shooed away two of the boys with bared teeth. I was proud that my youth understood this elderly gentleman was locked in a lonely world of his own. He somehow felt intimidated with the visit of over 20 kids to his home and his bingo game. I thought he wanted me to go away too. And then he smiled. As his hand rested on mine, I thought of another hand that once held mine. The gesture was almost unconscious. We were rushing to help unload some stuff for the school. I was a lit...

It was time to move. Goodbye to Allen Parkway and hello to Florin Wood. Our family was moving from Houston to Sacramento. This was over 20 years ago and the day comes back with ashes. And a smell. My dad had piled all our old clothes, furniture, and knick knacks into a huge heap in front of our yard. He poured gasoline generously and lighted it with a smile. My mom looked on regretfully. All seven of us kids were delighted with the dancing flames. The neighbors didn't care. We lived in what they called the ghetto part of the world and since we were not shooting at anyone, we were okay. "We're starting a new life," my dad reassured mom as our van entered the highway. "No need to hang on the old stuff." "It was pretty dinky, wasn't it?" my mom replied hesitantly. Our years in Houston were our first years living in the United States, far away from the land of our origin, Vietnam. What dad burnt was the few possessions we accumulated fro...

Snow. Big fat white flakes. It's not the Winter Olympic Games. That's tomorrow and the sisters and I are planning to watch the opening ceremony. It's Irving, Texas and the expected 4-6 inches is not normal February winter behavior. Half an inch of snow would not even be usual for this part of the world. I remember the first time I saw snow. It was in Lincoln, Nebraska. Everyone told me snow was as common as the grass in the fields. I was suppose to expect it and snow was suppose to be a lot of work because you had to shovel it off the driveways. Snow was dirty too because it turned black once cars drove on it. I had just joined the convent. Big puffy bits of whiteness fell. It seemed impossibly beautiful. The pines were dressed in sparkling white, the sky was a radiant blue, and the air was crisp with silence. I did not want to breathe, fearful of trespassing on this sacred moment. "Janine... isn't this beeeeeeeeeautiful?" Jemma whispered. She ha...

Outback Steakhouse. Ah, found it! I switched lanes quickly and smiled victoriously. One of our sisters taught at Nolan Catholic High and her students had given our community a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant. We opted to pick up some steaks, shrimp, mashed potatoes and skip cooking for the night. Oooooops, my joy would have to wait three more U-turns. Although the restaurant's reddish brown sign stood high and visible, its location at the junction of two highways and indecipherable street dividers (strips of cement about 5 inches high use to divide the road) made it very confusing. I finally pulled into the parking lot and came in to pick up our on-line order. The steak was fairly decent although $8 for six Gold Coast fried shrimp was outrageous. As we ate dinner, amidst stories of other "being lost" moments, my mind turned to a rose petal. It was once white and faintly wet with dew. Now, it lays in an inner compartment of my purse, accompanying me on my t...

When most people think of retreat, they think of war, nature, or God. I remember almost sending half my sisters to Walmart. Two years ago, our community took a retreat at the Marianist Retreat Center in Eureka, MO. It was a tranquil oasis of small ponds, box turtles, and remnants of a forest it bordered. The food was excellent and the cooking staff added rice to the menu for our benefit. Fr. Meconi, SJ, our retreat master was eloquent and brief in his talks. After every talk, we would head to the chapel to meditate or outside to contemplate God in his creation. As I wandered through the woods, I noticed beautiful hanging vines, their tips a handsome red. I remembered that the retreat's chapel was sparsely decorated. A lone yucca tree stood to one side. The altar was bare and no flowers adorned Mary's corner. In several minutes, I had gathered an armful of the vines. Half an hour later, a small arrangement was at Mary's feet. I knelt down, closed my eyes, and sta...

Why would anyone hang around in a tent when it's 20 degrees with people yelling for your attention? Either you have to be Beyonce on stage (her lyrics gotta go, but her voice is superb!) or you are Thien working the prize table at Giáo Xứ Thánh Tâm Hội Chợ Tết the past weekend. I finally asked Thien how old he was. "Eight." Wow, he was like a pro, fielding picky 6-year old girls and impatient dads as they looked through hundreds of options. "How much are the stuffed animals?" I asked, as I held my own rewards sheet. I had 65 points to redeem. This was after 45 minutes of paying for games (about $1 each), shooting basketballs (the more baskets you score, the more prize points you get), knocking down cans (all cans down means you get 25 points), and waiting in lines. There were literally millions of kids, plus their parents, having a good time at the five or so game booths. "50 points." Definitely, I will get a stuffed animal. Sơ Thu worked at Fo...

When you are in love, February 14th is the BIG day. Chocolate, flowers, and candlelight. I remember a rose offered to me. I had just arrived at the hotel and the bellboy, or shall I say, the bell gentleman had asked me for my room number. "125." "Yes..." he answered. "Janine, " I replied, "Janine is my name. And thank you so much. My bags are very heavy. I am so sorry. Please be careful with them." I made a mental note to tip him well because the bags were heavy and large and the fellow was relatively small in build. "Janine? Oh, there is a city in our country named Janine." he remarked with a smile. "I will see you in a few minutes?" he continued in his intriguing Palestinian accent. "Yes, yes... I will be going to dinner. I have to go through this garden, right?" There is a city in the Holy Land named Janine, I wondered to myself. Is that true? Hmmmmm.... I always thought Janine was the French female d...