Secret

"Do you want to know the secret of marriage?"
Dad looked at us with a mischievous wink.
We had just ended their anniversary party with a 30minute slide show of our family.
Dad had let us run the day's event. This was not his usual way of doing things.

"Your program for us has ended. Right?"
He looked at me and I nodded.
"So, do you want to know?" he asked.
"Only if it is the five minute version," Rose answered.
We burst into laughter. Dad was famous for his lectures. Well, which Vietnamese dad isn't famous for their long-winded sermons on how to be good sons/daughters, how to be happy, how to be successful, etc.

"Okay, okay. Five minutes. Ryan, you time me."
Dad pointed at his oldest grandson. We smiled at Dad's good sense of humor.

"Chịu đựng. That means, you put up with each other. I think in the beginning Mom put up a lot with me. Now, I put up a lot with her." We laughed again because we all were blessed recipients of Mom's gentleness. A complaint hardly passes her mouth. Yet, we also knew her failing physical health of recent years was also slowly changing her.

"Okay, mom's turn!" Thắng called out.
"It is. It is endurance. Chịu đựng. If you want to say something because you're upset, hold your tongue. If you want to do something you shouldn't, wait a bit."

"Well, what about love?" Tiffany asked.
She was eighteen.

"Love? That's a given. If you're married, you don't go back and question the other person's love anymore." Dad looked at his grand-daughter with a level gaze. Tiffany had many admirers.

"Now, for my show!" Dad exclaimed.
He left the room.

"Oh, come on Mom. The real secret," Mygnoua whispered with a giggle. We all knew Mom did not voice all her opinions out of deference to Dad.

"That is it! Chịu đựng," Mom repeated softly.

"My children. Thank you. Thank you for your time, your gifts, your decorations of the house."
Dad was gifted with a natural flair for giving speeches.

"Now, Mom and I have a gift for each and everyone of you."

It was their day.
And yet, they were giving us presents.
We each came home with more than we brought for them.

Perhaps there is more than one secret ingredient to a marriage.
Or any relationship.
Generosity.

Photo credit: http://ark.i.ph/blogs/ark/2008/12/20/our-wedding-chronicles-pre-wedding-preparations/

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